Breakdown
by milford
Summary: Hutch is in the hospital. Where is Starsky? This is not what it appears. Chapter 3 is now up. Thank you for your kind reviews and really sorry for the delay in posting.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: S&H do not belong to me and no profit is being made.

Warnings: some violence.

CHAPTER 1

Voices, he heard voices coming from far away, a whispered voice, but he just couldn't focus. Words floated into his hazy mind, "He has to deal... like killing his partner... best friend... Not surprising he ended up here..."

What did they mean? He was too dazed to comprehend and to concentrate. Partner? Killed?

All sense of time and direction had been lost, but as he gradually regained consciousness he became aware that something was terribly wrong. He was lying on a bed, with restraints on his wrists and ankles. He tried to move but could not and was still too groggy to realize where he was or what had happened. As he gradually began to recover, he became aware that he was restrained on a hospital bed. He tried to sit up without success.

"STARSKY" he screamed, or thought he screamed. It was only a whisper. The voices came back to him - partner? Killed? NOOOO. The nurse came back and prepared a needle to give him.

"Please no - tell me what happened" he whispered but the needle went in and he was out in minutes.

When he awoke again, he struggled against his restraints to no avail. He had no idea of how he had got here or where he was. Starsky - where was he and why wasn't he here? Then the words came back to him - partner, killed. Oh God - what had happened.

The doctor entered his room. He was slightly familiar to Hutch, but in his confused state he could not immediately place him.

"Mr Hutchinson, how are you today?" The doctor asked politely.

"What happened? Why am I here and where am I? Where's Starsky, my partner?" he was still very groggy but managed to get the words out. He was fighting a rapidly rising sense of panic. Where was his partner? Starsky should be here but his absence was painfully obvious. Surely he hadn't been killed? Dear God, no, anything but that. Hutch struggled to remember but his mind remained cloudy and he couldn't seem to focus.

"We have some difficult territory to cove,r Mr Hutchinson. Am I right in assuming that your memory of what brought you here has been blanked out?"

Hutch just nodded.

"Not surprising really - when something is too painful to remember, the mind sometimes takes over to protect itself. There is no easy way to say this, so I'll just tell you. Your partner is dead and you killed him. You then tried to kill yourself and that's why you're here." The doctor spoke coldly. The cruel words washed over Hutch as he tried to comprehend the enormity of what he was being told. He just stared at the doctor, completely unable to even begin to grasp what he'd been told.

He killed Starsky? He swallowed – it wasn't possible, it simply wasn't possible.

"No, No, No.." Hutch tried to scream.

The doctor moved to sedate the increasingly anxious detective, but he pulled himself together with difficulty.

"Please" he was sobbing, "I'm okay. I need to know what happened…please…"

The doctor looked at him and decided to continue.

"You had an argument I believe, over a woman," he referred to his notes. "Kira Clark?"

Hutch nodded but they had sorted that out - hadn't they? He had realized his mistake the moment Starsky had walked in on them. He'd known instantly that his friendship to his long time partner meant more to him than the woman and he knew how close he'd come to blowing it all. It wasn't as if she'd been special, and he'd risked so much to sleep with her. The image of Starsky's face and the deep hurt was something which had burned itself onto his heart and even in his confused and disoriented state, the sight was only too visible to him.

Hutch felt his eyes fill with tears. Oh God, no, please no. There had to be a mistake. Why would he have killed Starsky? He was unaware that he had whispered the words but the doctor had heard him clearly. Watching him with concern, the doctor responded.

"Shall we finish for today?"

"No" was all he could manage "I need to know what happened". Even if it killed him, he thought to himself, feeling sick, and numb with shock.


	2. Chapter 2

Same disclaimer: S&H do not belong to me and no profit is being made.

Thank you for your kind reviews. Sorry for the delay. I should not have started this at this difficult time of year.

CHAPTER 2

"We're not entirely sure of the full events which led to this tragedy, but from accounts received from your friends, your relationship with Mr. Starsky continued to deteriorate after the Kira affair, to the extent that he quit the Department." The doctor watched his patient very carefully as he spoke. Hutch was concentrating too much on coming to terms with the terrible words to notice. Every fiber of his being protested against what he was being told, every part of him tried to deny the words. But as the words sank in, the reaction started and he tried to recall what had happened after Kira left. Blinking back tears, he found he didn't remember anything about their relationship deteriorating. It had been rocky and difficult in the lead up to Kira; in part it was because of this that Kira had occurred. He still wasn't sure why he'd done what he had done but he knew under normal circumstances it would never have happened. Shaking his head slightly, he tried to refocus on the doctor's words.

Starsky quitting? It was very difficult for Hutch to swallow. But then was it any more bizarre than him being told he had killed him? Nothing was coming back to him - nothing at all. Why not? He was unaware that he'd spoken out loud.

"Sometimes a traumatic event can cause temporary amnesia. It blanks out the intense pain from a situation and from all accounts your friendship was a very strong one. So it is not entirely surprising you're not able to remember the tragedy." The doctor paused for a moment before continuing.

"The police report is sketchy at best. You'd gone around to Mr. Starsky's to persuade him not to quit and apparently got into a loud argument. You admitted in your statement to hitting him after you lost your temper. He didn't hit back although apparently you kept hitting him. He then couldn't respond, as he hit his head as he fell and fractured his skull. He died almost immediately."

This had to be a nightmare. No way could he have killed Starsky - NO WAY. He had never hit Starsky - well a couple of times maybe, but never hard, never deadly. They had never had that sort of relationship. They argued and bickered at times, and the intensity of their job situation at times made them snappy but such extreme violence was not part of who they were. He kept hitting Starsky even when he didn't respond? It made no sense to him at all. He couldn't have killed him but how had he ended up here? The doctor was watching him trying to absorb everything with a slight smile.

"You admitted to killing him and then you tried to kill yourself. That's how you ended up here. I think that is enough for today, Mr Hutchinson. I'll send the nurse in shortly to give you another injection." With those parting words, the doctor left Hutch alone.

The words floated through Hutch's mind, but he grappled with understanding what they meant. He was devastated; clearly something terrible had occurred but he found it impossible to believe that he'd killed, or even injured, his best friend. He would kill anyone who did attempt to hurt Starsky. But then…that is what the doctor was telling him. He'd tried to kill himself. Hutch looked at his restrained wrists, more frustrated and frightened than he could remember feeling. Something was terribly wrong and the fact remained there was no sign of Starsky. The part of him that rejected the thought of hurting his partner was growing rapidly. It was not possible, simply not possible. Sleeping with Kira and nearly destroying their friendship had made him realize how important their friendship wa,s and it had taken him longer to forgive himself than it had Starsky. The doctor had informed me that there'd been reports of their friendship deteriorating but Hutch was sure he'd remember that. Things had been a little awkward for a short period, but Starsky's innate forgiving nature had come through again and Hutch knew he'd never do anything to risk that again.

Memories of his curly-haired partner came back - laughing, crying, nearly dying in his arms in an alley while clinging desperately to life. Memories of Starsky holding him after Gillian died, even after he had punched him - not hard enough to kill him, not then anyway, holding him in an alley when he was strung out on heroin, with him in ICU when he had the plague. NO he couldn't have killed his wonderful friend, he just couldn't have. But he had to figure out what had happened, where he was and more importantly where Starsky was. He'd been unaware of the nurse returning and even the pinprick of the needle going into his arm barely registered. But as the medication started to kick in, he drifted off, images of Starsky still on his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Same Disclaimers: S&H do not belong to me and no profit is being made.

Thank you for your kind reviews. Please accept my sincere apologies for the delay – my computer problems do continue, and the added problem of it being Christmas has meant I haven't had time to try to fix the computer issues. I shouldn't have started posting this story at this crazy time of year. I hope to post more regularly now but can only do so if the computer cooperates!

CHAPTER 3

The days merged for Hutch – he was kept heavily sedated and was barely aware of his surroundings or time. All he knew for sure what that there was no sign of Starsky, and he should have been there with him. He couldn't accept that he'd killed his best friend and partner even in his more lucid moments, but he couldn't ignore the worrying fact that Starsky wasn't there. He was also vaguely aware of the fact that Dobey and Huggy hadn't visited either, and even though he was confused and dazed, he knew it wasn't right. Of course, if he had killed Starsky, then he didn't deserve to have them visit, or care about him. It was an impossible scenario to accept, but his mind was a total blank as to how he had arrived at where he was. Considering how he had always felt about anyone who tried to hurt Starsky in the past, it was hardly surprising that he turned in on himself, even though he still tried to reject the knowledge. He was quickly falling into a very deep depression.

The doctor watched his withdrawal with pleasure. His plan was working very well so far, and he would at last be able to get revenge on the two people who had sought to destroy him. It was because of the detectives that he'd lost his license and been thrown in jail, and he had vowed revenge on them both. With his thick beard and glasses, he wasn't too worried about Hutch recognizing him, especially in his drugged condition. He'd learned a hard lesson at Cabrillo, with all of his worthy research being thrown out of the window. He was going to make both detectives pay and pay dearly. The one clear thing which had stuck in his mind over the years was the knowledge that the best way to hurt one of the cops was to hurt the other. It had taken a lot of patience, over a year establishing himself at this hospital, but it had been very worth the wait. He'd killed another doctor and had taken his identity and spent the last two years building up to this culmination of his plans.

The time had been well spent, in finding out all he could about Starsky and Hutch, and to observe them, and it had been this research and observation that had enabled him to capture Hutch fairly easily. He'd paid close attention to their exploits and had even started dating a junior female officer. By asking seemingly harmless questions, he'd managed to keep nicely abreast of what they'd been up to, and the Kira affair had proven to be a real help. He'd felt he could use it in some way, and he'd certainly been proved correct. Initially he'd hoped that the friendship would be destroyed, but he had seen it survive somehow. He was determined their luck was going to run out, and they weren't going to survive much longer. After the initial disappointment, he then realized that the deep concern they held for each other could be useful, and be used against them.

Starsky had barely survived his last capture by the Marcus cult, who had apparently terrorised and tortured the detective. So the doctor had used his name to lure Hutch out, by claiming he had information that Marcus' men were after Starsky again. He'd counted on the fact that Hutch's concern for his partner would mean that he'd come out alone and he had. The doctor had hired some thugs, and with their help and the use of heavy sedation, had captured Hutch and subdued him. It had been worth his while biding his time, for he had needed the hospital to help him create the scene for Hutch so that he would believe in the breakdown. He'd admitted Hutch and kept him as isolated as possible from the other staff and patients, claiming that he was a dangerous patient but he intended to use an experimental therapy on him. The doctor whose ID he had stolen, was a specialist in such treatments, so it had worked for him. He'd been very lucky with that doctor, since he had no family and was from out of town. It had not proven difficult stepping into his shoes. He felt that everything was on his side and that he would finally be able to obtain his revenge. He'd managed to keep Hutch so doped up and in such a traumatized state, he'd barely noticed him. It was certainly now time to bring Starsky into the game.

As he watched the sleeping Hutch, he realized it would now be easy to finish him off but he wanted him to suffer first. By bringing Starsky back to life and then killing him, Hutch would certainly be destroyed. Yes, it was time to bring Starsky in. He must be going out of his mind by now.


End file.
